Tactics Groomers Use to Exploit Children How to safeguard your children from Grooming

Parents, Stay Alert!  

Groomers gradually build trust and dependence. Parents should know their tactics. 

Groomers use various tactics to manipulate and exploit children, often by gradually building trust and dependence. It’s important to stay vigilant as a parent and always maintain a healthy level of caution when adults interact with your children. Here are some common strategies groomers use to manipulate children:

Building Trust 

Groomers often try to appear friendly, supportive, and trustworthy to the child. This is often because they are family members, friends, or even teachers. They may give excessive compliments, show interest in the child's life, and position themselves as someone the child can confide in.

Creating Secrecy

Groomers may establish a sense of secrecy, encouraging the child to keep certain interactions private. This might involve telling the child that some conversations or actions are "just between us.” They can even make the child feel they’d be in trouble if they told anyone.

Isolation

Groomers may try to create distance between the child and their family or friends, often by subtly criticizing others in their life or encouraging the child to rely on them more than others. They may even offer gifts, favors, or special privileges to create a sense of obligation or favoritism. These rewards can make the child feel indebted or obligated to the groomer.

Desensitization

Testing boundaries is a common way to progress from grooming to abuse. Groomers often gradually desensitize a child to physical or emotional boundaries. They might start with small, non-threatening gestures and increase to more inappropriate actions over time.

Manipulation

By exploiting a child's emotions, insecurities, or need for attention, groomers can manipulate them into believing that they’re in a special, exclusive relationship that others may not understand.  Some groomers may make the child feel like they are a willing participant, making it difficult for the child to recognize the manipulation or seek help. 

In many cases, groomers use threats to keep the child silent and compliant. They threaten to harm the child or their loved ones or ruin their reputation. 

Using Technology

Groomers use social media, messaging apps, and online games to access children directly and create private communication channels. These platforms allow them to learn more about the child’s interests and vulnerabilities to better tailor their manipulative approach.

What Can Parents Do?

Educating children on safe boundaries, online safety, and trusted adults they can talk to is crucial in helping prevent grooming. Parents play a critical role in safeguarding their children from exploitation. Here are vital steps parents can take:

1. Encourage open, judgment-free communication. Ensure your child knows they can tell you anything, especially if something makes them uncomfortable. Try to listen actively and don’t overreact to confessions or worries.

2. Talk to children about healthy boundaries for both online and in-person interactions. Explain that certain types of physical or verbal behavior aren’t appropriate for adults or peers and that they have a right to say "no." They have the right to protect their boundaries with anyone who makes them uncomfortable. Remember that good adults will respect their boundaries and not ask them to keep secrets or engage in inappropriate behavior.

3. Set rules for internet use, including who they can talk to and what they can share. Teach them to avoid accepting friend requests or messages from strangers and to be cautious even with "friends of friends." Encourage them not to share personal information, especially their location, school, or private photos.

4. Teach children, in an age-appropriate way, about grooming tactics. Explain how sometimes people may try to make them keep secrets or make them feel special in a way that isn’t safe. 

5. While giving them some privacy, monitor their social media accounts, online gaming, and messaging. Use parental controls if necessary, but also help them understand why you’re involved in their online activity.

6. Practice scenarios with your child, like how to respond if someone asks them to keep a secret or makes them uncomfortable. Give them language and options on how to say “no” or “I need to go,” and assure them they won’t get in trouble for doing so.

7. Watch for signs of emotional distress, secrecy, mood swings, or a sudden attachment to an adult who isn’t usually part of their lives. Trust your gut! If you feel like something is “off,” it’s worth paying attention to and addressing.

8. Reinforce that no one has the right to make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Teach them to recognize when they should tell a trusted adult if they feel pressured, uncomfortable, or threatened in any way.

By proactively building a foundation of trust and awareness, parents can equip children with the skills and confidence to recognize, resist, and report grooming tactics. Trees of Hope offers resources for parents to help teach their child body safety and boundaries. Check out the resource store for more information on teaching sexual abuse prevention and body safety for all ages, from infants to teens. The “Facts of Life” series provides age-appropriate sex education resources for parents. Also, learn more about Trees of Hope’s Prevention Education programs for parents.